Worry Worry worry

Tomorrow’s the first cast/crew meeting. I’m so excited! We’ll have our read through, talk about the film, sign papers, work on costuming, answer questions, set up more meetings, etc., you get the idea. I think I’ve got everything I can possibly do, done before tomorrow, but… I’m still so nervous. What am I forgetting? Do I have the keys to get in? The scripts? The calendar? Enough chairs? What about the crew papers? What about the costuming, what about blah, blah, blah.

I wish I could go through this film making process totally cool and easy going. Like I didn’t have a care in the world. Like this was easy as pie. Maybe it is easy as pie and I’m just torturing myself by thinking it’s harder than it really is. Maybe I’m a masochist.

If I could just figure out how to enjoy this really neat ride, instead of worrying so much.

Maybe I worry too much!!

Catching up with You

Hey You!

Been a while! How are you?!

Well, I’ve been kinda busy. Let’ see…

Had wonderful actors auditioning for the film and now the cast is set. I can’t wait to work with them.

This weekend we have our read through and costume fitting. Next week we’ll do our test shoots and start prepping the interior locations. Can’t believe it’s only two weeks until filming. (yikes!). Then it will go on to editing, sound, music, color correction, maybe subtitles, then on to festival submissions.

Went to Austin Film Fest last week. Met wonderful talented filmmakers and then some. Saw some celebs and got to hang out with really awesome friends. Got to see some films, some great shorts and I went to several panels that got me thinking.

I’m still taking the ass-kicking acting class. Unfortunately it’s only getting harder. What’s up with that? It’s so hard, that I’m thinking of taking it twice a week after the holidays. Again, what’s up with that?

Saturday marked the third year anniversary of my dad’s death. Maybe that’s why I’ve been so busy - trying to keep myself preoccupied, because I’m missing him so much.

Lastly, I’m working on my next short to hopefully be shot in the Spring, excited to get to spend some time over the thanksgiving holiday on a screenplay I’ve been ignoring, but really wanting to get back to and I’m going to have my own production company.

Other than that, not much else is going on.

Take Care and let me know what’s going on with you.

Lot’s of love,

Leslie

For three days now, I have been so restless, I’m about to take up exercise.

Really - It’s that bad.

I don’t get it.

...Or maybe I just don’t get me.

Locked script – Check

Secured Producer, DP, Editor, etc. – Check

Taking ass kicking acting class – Check

Working on feature – Check

Didn’t book a stupid commercial - Check

Got snuggle time in with Little Kiddo – Check

Yelled at Big Kiddo about homework, but still got in some hugs – Check

Looking everywhere for locations – Check

Doesn’t feel like I’m getting anything done – Check, Check Check

What is up with this?!!

20 Pages!

So I was thinking, oh man, oh man, I have really messed up! I’ve lost 20 pages of my feature screenplay. Twenty pages!! PANIC!!! I searched and searched, and pleaded with my computer to show me my pages. Please computer don’t take my 20 pages.

Maybe I deleted them (wouldn’t be the first time). So I clicked on the bright red “Recover My Files” panic button icon, and crossed my fingers. Please special red icon button, please find my pages. I waited for it to miraculously save my 20 pages. I waited for hours. Finally…

No pages!! PANIC!!! Tears, Sailor Cursing, Gnashing of Teeth, Fists of Fury!!

Disgusted with myself and hearing that damn negative voice yelling in my head “LOSER,” I opened up a folder to work on another screenplay and … voila, there they were - my sweet, wonderful, greatly missed 20 pages. ~sigh~

I know 20 pages isn’t such a big deal to a lot of folks, especially those who write for a living or can produce 20 pages in a mere hour or less, but these pages were not just words grouped together to make sentences. These were pages, that I ignored my children so I could write them. Pages, that kept me up late and got me up early.

Pages that are proof that I'm participating in a creative process that is an integral part of who I am. Creativeness formulated into words. My written words. My 20 pages.

I am not Manic

There are folks who are manic and get lots of things done. Their houses are tidy, they exercise regularly, their bills are paid and they do crossword puzzles. Let me rephrase that, they FINISH crossword puzzles. They prepare meals in advance - days in advance and they desks are never out of order.

I envy manic people - I am not a manic person. Sometimes I have episodes of mania, but I usually end up with lots of unfinished projects. Like when I got all manic-y and wanted to turn the back yard into an oasis of solitude and calm, but ended up with a garage full of potting soil, yard lighting fixtures, and dead plants.

Lesson I have learned - Episodes of mania is not the same as being manic.
If I was full on manic, the bills would be paid, a crossword would be finished and I would have a beautiful back yard to sit in and enjoy right now because the weather has just turned cooler and I want to sit outside now!

Radiation Certificate

Done and Done! Such a sense of relief. Sure, the cancer word will always hang over my head, and anytime I feel a lump anywhere, I know the first thought I’ll have is omg has it come back? But my prognosis is solid gold, and with the radiation treatments finished, I won’t have the thought of it in my face everyday. And like all life altering emotions, it will ebb and fade or become something else entirely. So this chapter is behind me and I am the wiser for it. Which is great. I could use all the wisdom I can scrounge up. But surprisingly, I am also less patient for it. I want to be “there” now. There, being everywhere and everything. Out of the past, into the future, and enjoying the heck out of the NOW. This is such an exciting time.

Reminders

The reminder on my phone chimed - “Screenplay - 20 more pages?” What? Already? But I only wrote 6 pages... I got side tracked and wrote a cute little short... I had about five pages of a script to memorize for my acting class (and o.k., I have been really tired from this radiation stuff, but I promised myself I wouldn’t use that as an excuse, so it doesn’t count!). So I did not write 20 pages, but I did do a lot of writing, and actor-y stuff. That should count right? For once, yes it does. It counts for a lot. No more blame or feeling guilty. It isn’t worth it anymore and truthfully it never has been. Blame and guilt are persistent negative voices that just get in the way. I’ll get it written, I’ll direct the short, I’ll get those lines memorized and do my best in class and I’ll kick this cancer’s ass. And all in good time.

Baby Blocks to Acting

After all these years, I’m back to the basics. The basic building blocks of acting - back to Meisner. I don’t remember if my very first college acting class was a meisner class, or my professor just never called it that, but they are the same. And now my current Meisner class, is stripping away all those years of technique. This is a good thing, a very good thing. For too long, I have avoided the places an actor needs to be able to access. Being too much in one’s head, never makes for good acting. Not in the long run.

So yes, it’s all good. But damn, it’s so painful to go back.

pretty good if you ask me

Moving right a long. Yes indeed.

A weekend full of working on really fun and enjoyable things (no laundry and dishes here!) I worked some more on a feature screenplay I’m thrilled about, cleaned up a short that I may direct in the next few months, found out that there really is footage I was hoping for on the last project (yea!!), have a great kid working on after effects on the last project (thank you kat!!), got to work with my scene partner for this meisner acting class I’m taking and … and… what else… oh ya, grabbed a cup of coffee and got some good chatting time in with previously mentioned friend, and …and well, you get the idea - Pretty darn good weekend if you ask me.