Sunday, December 14, 2008

no easy way

I’ve been thinking a lot about the film that just wrapped, and wondering where I am going to go next and how this all fits into being a mom. After the last day of shooting, I felt invincible, like I could direct my own film, or even get back to the stage. Now though, after a week without the panic of preparing for the shoot, I’ve slowly fallen back into the sameness of domestic life. Where I’m once again rushing around to get everything done, but nothing to show for it. Where piles of insignificant chores seem monumental and endless. Is this change due to the blues of not being on set, or simply a reality check? I don’t know, but this past weekend, as I helped with homework, cheered Little Guy’s basketball game, listened to Big Little Guy’s music concert, drove them to movies, grocery shopped, laundry, dishes, etc., I wonder how much more time could I have dedicated to making a film, without everything at home seriously falling apart. I’m not saying I prefer making films to being with my kids. That’s absurd. As it was, there were times I missed my kids so badly, it was like I was homesick or something. But the fact is, I was only away for a few weekends and in that time, one kid's grades dropped, the other one felt alone and ignored, and Mr. Bread Winner, wasn't winning any bread. But damn it, working on this film not only pushed me past my comfort zone, it blew the doors off and it was great to bring down those doors and let in some fresh air!

If only there was an easier way.

1 comment:

  1. It's a tough way to think about it is that you have the best of both worlds just at different's good to have two worlds to step into. ; )