get them some damn water and food!

How can this be?
How can this suffering be allowed to continue?
Great countries do not let their citizens suffer like this!
Get them some damn water and food.

Grump

Grump grump grump

...

crap
crap
crap!

crap!

I put in my head that I needed to have this one person in my life, to help me be a successful actress. It didn’t work out. So, what does that mean? That I’m not successful now? Have I done anything less or worse or not at all because I’m not going to work with this person? Am I any less of an actress now, than I was at the beginning of the summer? I’m so mad at myself for thinking this. For putting myself into this boxed, controlled manipulative type thinking. Why have I limited myself. Why have I allowed myself to think that only one road is available, when there is a network of possibilities out there for people who are talented, driven, and have the time to put it all in action.

Why do I understand all of this, but still feel like crap.

Crap

Crap

Crap!

to gym or not to gym...

To keep myself somewhat sane while I'm not acting, I have been going to the gym almost everyday. I hate the gym. I can't tell if I'm making that antsy feeling worse or better.

Well, at least I'm burning some calories while I'm going outa my mind.

Time to ACT

O.K. It's official. I haven't done anything that resembles acting in a week and I'm having withdrawals.

I see Marco Perella's starting up an acting class at Allywood. I've heard great things about this guy , but I don't know if this is an advanced class. Non-the-less, I'm going to check it out.

On the mom scene, I went to do the "Keep Austin Weird" race today with the kiddies and spouse. It was so hot, I thought I was going to faint. And that was before the race even started. So much for a family activity. It was too hot to even wear my gloves with my outfit. That is: a black fuzzy halo on a wide silver hair band and matching silver gloves with these great wide silver cuffs. (Oh ya and shorts and a top too. After all this was a family event!)

Humor ??? WHere???

Sorry about the previous depressing post.
In my byline is says that you may find some humor along the way. I should have a disclaimer that says I may also write depressing as hell posts.

Reader beware!!

time to do the right thing

The time has come for me to take care of my parents. The time has come to grow up. Taking care of one's parent's is a different kind of growing up, than when you take care of your kids.
I wish things could be different. I wish they were young and healthy and traveling the world, instead of struggling with the pain, which is unfairly heaped upon the elderly.
Why does growing old have to be so hard?

There is no reason one should suffer the humiliation of diminished thought, the pain from their bodies breaking down, the remorse from the death of their mate and the fear of loneliness.

When I was a little girl, my brownie troop used to sing songs for the folks at the nursing home. We would be cheerful, and smile and hold hands. Some of the residents sang along, some cried. Then we would leave them and it broke my heart.

When I was in college, I volunteered at a nursing home and worked on the Alzheimer’s floor. The dementia wasn't the bad part. It was bad when one would come out of it and realize that their family was gone and that they had a horrible disease. Holding them then, broke my heart. It still does.

I'm telling you this because several of my friends think I'm crazy by bringing my folks here. They know how my mom can drive me out of my head. But I have come to realize that if I let them grow old alone and without the help from me, that would also break my heart.

I think this can be a good thing.

Web fever

I am such a nerd! I have been working like a fiend on my website. No not writing code, just the design. It is so much fun.

It really scratches that obsessive button. When the layout is pulled together just right, it feels great. It's like a drug. I keep working on it. A shade darker here, a different line width there. Then wow! look what I did!.

Now on to the next page....

not so long this time

My last post was wrong. I did do something artistic. I worked on the design of my website. The plan is to put the new photos from last weeks shoot on it. It needs to be a good marketing tool, without appearing like self worship. (Gee everybody, look at me in 20 different poises! Urp, blech! ). I hate to admit it, but I spent a lot of time on it this weekend. It was just fun to figure out the layout and colors.

Thankfully I don't have to write code for it to actually work or I would be sunk. I don't know how those web design folks do it.

Code drives me crazy.

some people think I'm crazy already. YEA!

proof sheets back!

Wow, it's amazing what a great photographer and a professional hair stylist and makeup artist can do.

Now how the hell am I going to look like these headshots when I go in for an audition!

Headshots and then some...

It finally all came together for my headshots. Fabrizio was fantastic and the shoot was terrific fun. Tara was great with make-up and Edward was amazing in what he could do with my hair. Some of the shots are purely for fashion. Most are varying degrees of the commercial headshot. My hope is that I'll be able to scatter these around my website.
I have to admit, shooting for fashion was the most fun ever. Nothing like looking elegant. I wonder if anyone will realize that it's really me. Like I said, the hair and makeup folks did wonders.

Mixed Emotions

Lots of mixed emotions. I am very happy the film is done and will be moving on, but also feeling anxious cause acting wise, there's nothing lined up.

Of course I can be anxious about the photo shoot tomorrow, but I think I'll give that a rest.

All I need to do is accessorize the outfits. It’s probably overkill, but I’m going to put the outfits together and take digital photo’s of them. That may be a good way to put different parts of the outfits together without having to visualize every little detail.

Great I’ve become obsessive!

Wrap Party

This evening was the wrap party. It was wonderful to see so many of the cast and crew from the film. They are all very talented and I will always jump at the chance to work with them again.

I hated to say goodbye to them. I hope some of them are reading this blog and know that I'm thinking of them and miss them already.
Anyone that's stopping by my blog, know that I say "HI, Howdy, and Yo!"
(Hi Adrienne and Gentri :)

KNowing that there are a few fun things in the works makes the goodbyes seem less final. THere will still be Wednesday Beer Night, Sunday Bowling and now kickball.

We are SO gonna rule at kickball!

grumpy day

GRRRR. GRRRR.
Bitch bitch bitch.
Grump grump
grr.
whatever...

Super Mom!

Nothing like having my head in acting, then realizing I need to get the family ready for next week.

Time for my Presto Chango...

"Look! Who's comandeered that Minivan?"
"Why it's Super Mom!"

(O.k. maybe not, but at least I can play one on t.v.)

Subtext

Acting class has been cancelled tonight. Tammy and I are so bummed.

We've been excited to do our scene, because it's so challenging.

This scene offers very few clues and the dialogue skips around. Usually if the scene doesn't offer much in background, I can find the film or play and get it from there. This time though, I've been unable to figure which film our scene comes from and we've had to figure out what's going on, from just the few hints in the dialogue. Together we have probably read over it a thousand times.

I’ve been studying subtext all week. Which of course is what acting is all about anyway, (well, that and reaction), but it always feels good to go more in depth.

Perhaps all will be good next week and we can do it then.

Hello?

A warehouse the size of Earth.
Full of people hooked into ipods, tvs, gamecubes and cellphones.
I'm shouting and no one can hear me.
They don't even see me.

Was it a dream or is it this blog?

Huhum feeling

oops, getting that dulling huhum feeling. It's easy to slip into it. It's where life is just comfortable enough, so that the things which are important but not critical, just slip by.

Reunion

It seems there’s reunion of sorts back home. It all has to do with my sister’s high school band mates. I was still in elementary school when she was in high school, but I loved hanging out with her and many of the names from her past are names I know well. Gets me thinking…

Thinking about the past fills me with intense emotions both wonderful and sad. Sometimes it’s like seeing a really powerful movie. Both stay with you for days. Unfortunately, dealing with powerful emotions doesn’t make for getting the dinner on and the family fed.

Powerful emotions, do wake me up and remind me that I’m alive though, so I guess the whole reminiscing thing is probably a good thing. Sometimes painful, sometimes connecting, sometimes sweetness and love. Usually all of that together at once.

It just has to be done.

Hectic Night

I wanted to get to class early and work on my scene with David Appelbaum. He’s a cutie from LA and is interning with Richard Linklater. I was disappointed because there was someone who I thought would be there but was unable to make it, but David and I still did a fun, great scene. (Maybe she’ll be there next week. )

Then I shot over to My Production fundraiser, said “Howdy” and made it to the set by 10pm.

It was so much fun being on the set tonight. It was a no brainer type scene, (no lines, no close ups, just back ground) It was a scene of Zac watching “my family” at the dinner table. My family the “Turners” represent the normal family in the film. Anyway, we got sillier and sillier. Soon we were laughing so hard, we were crying. (perhaps it had to do with a certain someone shooting peas out there nose? Humm???)

It was my last scene for the film though, and I’m very sorry to see it end. It’s a great cast and crew. Here’s to working together in the future J

So Frustrated!

I’m feeling frantic because filming is going to be finished soon and that empty “what now” is going to get me. I don’t have any projects lined up and it’s freaking me out. I had hoped to have my website up by now, but it’s been terrible trying to get a hold of Fabrizio to set up the shoot for the website photos and new headshots.

I want to run but everything seems to be moving very slowly.

(of course that could be because my knee wasn't fixed properly!)

Great now I sound like I’m whining.

Still trying to get organized!!!

What is is about getting organized which is so hard for me. I can help other people figure out what to throw out, what to keep ane where to stash it, but not with my own stuff. It's just too overwhelming. With some help from Katie though, it's getting done and I'm seeing results.

It's time to get organized. EEK!