Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Roach Tales

Two weeks ago, I had my first roach encounter of the summer. I was in the shower, grabbed the towel, was about to wrap it around me when this monster roach creature fell off the towel and landed, with a thunk, by my foot. Did mention I was in the shower, drying off, which meant that I was NAKED! Hence the screaming, shrieking, mass hysteria. My very own Psycho shower scene. Probably the roach saw me naked and jumped for his life, but to me it was a horrid encounter with a reviled bug in my most vulnerable state. Fortunately, Mr. Spouse was able to knock the segmented demon unconscious before flushing it. Then yesterday, as I was putting some pretty plants on the front stoop, a mondo biggie roach jumped off one of the plants and high tailed it into the house. The front door though, is right by my office. My office that overflows with paper, boxes, cables, dvd, cd, computers and is the perfect place to hide if your 1/2 inch high and three inches long. (eeerrr, I'm feeling so buggie writing this!) So I had to act quickly. I couldn't squash it with a shoe, it was too damn big. I don't have roach spray. The neighbors were gone and the dog was scared of it. I was scared of it. But I had to act fast, or I would never be able to step foot in my office again. So I ran and got the broom. But as much as I hate roaches, I hate killing things even more. I thought maybe I could sweep it back out the door. So with broom in hand, and with a mighty sweep, I sent that roach flying, but not out the door. That Kung Foo Bug, was pretty pissed off that he couldn't stay and did a double aerial flip, ricocheted off the wall and was flying back at me, doing a superb impersonation of a flying power puff girl. This roach though, didn't know that I'm from Florida. And Florida roaches snort roach spray for kicks, they own Harleys, and they fly! So pulling from the strength of my Florida roots, I did my very own Matrix, dodge-the-flying-roach contortion. And it flew on by, all the while shooting me a bird.

I realized then, that this had become personal and with the words "THE BROOM IS MIGHTIER THAN THE ROACH!" I squashed that sucker and flicked him out the door.

I really really really, do hate roaches!

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